Where do I start??? This was one of the most hectic mornings yet. In the immortal words of disco legends "Le Chic"---AAAAHHHH...FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! It started to rain as I got up at 5:30. Yes, you read that right! 5:30 to get to the kyxnia at 6:00. Yeah- sleep tight all of you...So we are prepping for breakfast and the power goes out. For like 5 seconds. Then it comes back on. And then 10 minutes later again for like 8 seconds and comes back on. This happens 4 more times, and then it was out for good at 8:15. This is no electricity for all of the oselia. Luckily, coffee and cocoa were already made and the gas burners were still working. Breakfast actually managed to go well. The kids were drippy and wet and confused in the dark, but we made it through. The bad part was that like 25 turkeys had been put into the ELECTRIC ovens and had to be taken out. So we had to go to plan B. I was asked to cut 10 onions, then was told to wait for the Kobasa Directive. Oooh- sounds like a Polish war movie starring Janusz Czemczynski as the spy in the cafe and Katarzyna Pzemcz as the double agent. But I digress...I had to wait to find out how to cut about 50 kobasy. See, here, you can't just DO something because inevitably, 99.9% of the time you will make the wrong call. "Cut these onions!" And you dice them and they're supposed to be sliced. "Put this jam in that container." "Not THAT ONE, THAT ONE!!" I get that things work a certain way, and that's fine. It's just you gotta be on your toes. So the directive comes- cut these 32 kobasy into fourths and these 26 into fifths. Got it. Now, remember, the electricity is still out. The bratchyky came in the yidal'nia to rehearse something. Just after they left, the power came back on at about 10:30. Crisis averted. There is something like $10,000 worth of food in the freezer and fridge. Back to Plan A- Turkeys back in the ovens and then, the dreaded task- mashed potatoes. GAH!!!!!!!!! Lunches were delayed only slightly, and we finished doing those friggin' potatoes at 1:00. Yes, another 2 and one half hours of instant mashed potatoes. I was ready to go running down Sayre Hill Road, onto that overpass and throw myself onto the Mass. Pike.
So I understand that some of you are shocked, SHOCKED!! to find out that I'm "funny", whatever that may mean. You have to understand that I am trained in literary comedy. I have a Bachelor's in internet theatrics and a Master's in occupational humor Or maybe it's the fact that I stayed in on the weekends all through high school and college and watched Saturday Night Live with my brother. Whatever. I hope you all are enjoying my take on things. If you can't wait for the next post, then maybe I'm doing something right.